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In a world of patriarchal societies, women have often been pushed to the sidelines. It is in those fringes that they have found deep connections with homosexual men. In the 1970s those relationships first drew attention with the emergence of the term “f** hag.” The term aimed to describe women who sought the company of homosexual men. While it was derogatory on multiple levels, it did point out the importance of these relationships for both groups. Homosexual men, who in the 19th century were often prosecuted, and women who were pushed aside by a society of men, had something in common as social pariahs.
The relationship between the two often worked as a cornerstone for safety and belonging. Heterosexual women started to benefit from these relationships with homosexual men as they often fulfilled all of their central desires. Marriage, a loving home, a deep connection, and children were usually all part of the deal. This same appeal existed for homosexual men who often either did not accept their sexual preference or chose to hide it through these marriages.
While for some women the homosexuality of their partners is not something they were aware of, others actively sought these relationships. This fact alone has resulted in many people questioning why women would seek out homosexual men who could never be attracted to them fully as their partners. Still, for many women, these marriages allowed them more freedom than any other available option.
Despite all of this though, many would still refer to them as “f** hags” for having selected a life that falls outside of the norm, as well as partners and husbands who are not sexually attracted to them. While originally this derogatory term did not have a sexual connotation but rather was used to define the non-sexual relationships between women and homosexual men. In time, it started to be used in order to scrutinize women over their choices.
Many also fail to consider that these relationships, whether sexual or not, are formed between consenting adults. Despite this, only one of the two parties faces judgment. Women are judged for their possible attraction, including sexual attraction, to a man who is unavailable to them because of his sexual preferences. Men are the sympathetic members of the relationships as they are often perceived as closeted and forced into these marriages. This leaves the same women who had offered them protection and safety to act even more than before as social pariahs who had been used and then thrown out with the changing of the time.
Their new social pariah status is further established with the use of the term “f** hag” which can widely be seen as a method of control that has taken various forms over the years to discriminate against women for their choices. “F** hag” in this sense has become just another way of stating that it is wrong of women to be seeking emotional connection, laughter, companionship, and even sex in relationships with homosexual men.
While the choice these women make, might not be what many would choose, it is by no means a lifestyle that should be frowned upon. Perhaps then, it is time for women to either reclaim or absolve themselves of this term in favor of the joy that their relationships bring them.
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